Get It Together Candegirl

From time to time you have to put yourself on punishment. This video is all about how I have broken my self imposed punishment. Sheesh!

Now you have to excuse the poor framing in the video I was in bed!!!!

Learning to Love Number One...

There are many things people can say about my character that won't exactly be compliments. I know what many of those things would be and no, I am not about to write a list of them for you! There are things that are simply true about a persons character and almost everyone who knows them could point it out. These come in the good and bad variety. 


One of my good traits is my loyalty. If I have your back I have it...good, bad or indifferent. Most of this comes from wanting to assist people where ever I can and the other portion comes from the soul depleting quality that is being a people pleaser. I spent many years not being able to say, "NO" and when I did I ended up so hurt that it just became easier to always say yes. Wether it left me out of time, money or personal satisfaction there I was ready to make someone else's life easier. 


There are times when you simply need to work on your own life. You can't get involved in other peoples dreams, conquest or problems. You need to deal with your life...YOUR LIFE. This has never been more true for me than right now. For a number of personal reasons I had to take a step back and shed some people and commitments.  At almost 30 I am just learning to love me first and to place my personal goals ahead of being liked, being popular or being loved. This lesson has made me grow away from some people and closer to others. I find myself especially drawn to people who learned years ago the lesson I am just adding to my arsenal. People who I probably saw as selfish at some point are now the people silently teaching me to live my dreams.


There came a day when I could tell you what other people dreamed of doing with their lives, the goals they had and how they wanted me to be apart of making that happen and I knew if I asked them what even one of my real dreams was or is....I would get the blank stare or some answer they thought could possibly be correct. I had to move on. I had to learn to work harder for me...


The blog plays a very important role in this mission. I am committed to this. Even when I am not posting I am thinking about what's next, how do I grow this piece of my dream and where can I go for support. It requires much of my free time...which means these are hours where I have to say: I come first.


This is not an ode to selfishness in anyway. I encourage people to reach out and to sacrifice for others when need be, but not at the price where you no longer know your own self worth. 


For those afraid of becoming the person who has to say, "No" remember this: The people who love you want you to grow. They want you to soar. When they see good things coming from you and happening to you they rejoice. If you are receiving anything less than that then consider it the perfect set-up to exfoliate a layer of people you didn't need.


I am dreaming for me. I am working for me. I hope you are doing the same.




Peace and Love Candegirl

The Same Damn Thing

While I like "We Can Fall in Love" by Estelle is that not the "American Boy" beat in the back. Are we out of beats? 











Peace and Love Candegirl

VLOG: Weekly Update 7.25.10-Diapers, Dealing and Dating

The Healer

Last nights video should have given you a good idea of where I was mentally, check it out below if you haven't. Well I stayed in, prayed, washed my hair with some new essential oil mix and did the thing that always places me back where I need to be.... opened my ears to some GOOD music. 

I am a music fan. That could be an understatement I am a musics student, friend and supporter. Music feels good going in and just as good when you are giving it out. Wether through your own talents or sharing other peoples talent with someone thirsty for new beats. I love the feeling I get when I hear a new song that gives me chills or an old song pops up and takes me back to a memory. When I was growing up the first thing that happened in the morning was not a TV going on but a radio in the kitchen. I lived in a house of music LOVERS. My mom and grandpa being my biggest teachers. It wasn't forced but because they listened I listened. My mom took me to concerts. She loved concerts. Mom was your typical soul and funk fan. She loved The Isley Brothers, The Elements, Frankie Beverly and Maze, Isaac Hayes, George Clinton, Lou Rawls and a list that could span an entire blog post. There are family videos of her and my aunts lip synching with full out performances, now my friends know where I get it from! She was ALWAYS listening to music. From soul to jazz. 

Grandpa gave me jazz and the blues I often joke and say had I been born in an earlier era I would have died of jazz and alcohol, not sure how but I know it would happen. Grandpa gave me Sarah Vaughn, Dinah Washington, Ella, Dizzy, Duke, Miles, B.B. King and many more. Grandpa also gave me my versatility. He listens to country, classical, gospel and will sit for hours studying a song. I love that about him. 

Music can save you. It can move you. It can calm you. From your best moments to your worst music is along for the ride. 

So for that feeling of love, understanding and comfort I say thank you to the rhythm, the beat, the instruments that make your face turn ugly from the beauty they posses, the words, the melody, voices, the production and the sheer genius that goes into making great life changing music. 

Thank you music. 

No Writing For Me

When You See IT: ABORT, AVOID, ABANDON

Last night was one of those random Detroit nights. I was planning a short simple dinner with my SGC (Single Gal Crew). After we finished dinner we figured it was still early and a nice night so why not head off to get some Cold Stone at Greektown Casino. We hop in my car and drive down Woodward and here kids is where the trouble starts. I could have chosen to turn down any number of streets to head to Greektown, but I take the loop around Campus Martius Park. Well right at the corner there were people sitting on a patio just outside a quaint little bar. Someone in the car says “oh what’s that place”….. “it’s the wine bar…Vine” another person answers. “Hmmm looks cool,”…. "yeah I've been wanting to try it”. Word of advice: NEVER say in front of me that you wanted to try a place in Detroit, because I will almost always stop and make sure we both have a new Detroit experience. So we delay the ice cream, park and head to the patio to have a glass of wine.  One glass of wine and like good girls we head to get the ice cream.

One block from Vine was another little interesting spot on a corner, 1701 Cigar Bar. “Oh wow…how long has that been there”,  “Wonder what it’s like on the inside”, “OOOOO girl I think I see some chocolate (a reference to the men in the spot)”. Well once again I park and say, “let’s check it out”!

We head into what is surely a man’s cave. You would have thought we were naked by the looks on the faces of the men when we walked in. They were all into the Tigers game, drinking whiskey and of course smoking cigars. Well, these are all turn on’s for me, so I was sold the minute I walked in, crazy stares and all. The men inside were older, professional and not the least bit interested in the three girls who had just walked in. One friend goes and gets a cigar and we order a drink because we want to see where this all goes. We get comfortable and started doing what girls do, picking each man apart…head to toe. As we went around the room creating background stories and theories IT appeared.  My friend noticed IT first. IT was shiny, IT was gold and IT was Turkish linked. IT was the male anklet bracelet being worn by a man who from head to just above the ankle looked like your quintessential mans….man. But there on his ankle was this gold chain. An accessory I wouldn’t even wear! To top it all off he had on flip-flops that had to be about a size seven. I know what you are thinking he was older, nope he was MAYBE thirty five.

The disappointment was deep. Why on Earth would there be this man who seemed so right and then in a flash was SO wrong. I had trouble sleeping after leaving when I got home. I kept seeing IT. So gold, so flashy, so on his ankle. My friend put a post about it on her Facebook page. All the women responded with the same basic statement: ABORT, AVOID, ABANDON. Funny thing about the women who responded each and every last one currently lives in Atlanta. I am taking those sistas advice and directing my eyes towards the jewelry free ankles.

Peace and Love Candegirl

Musical Inspiration

Artist: Klymaxx

Song: The Men All Pause

Living life

Ok guys one of the things that makes the blog what it has been have been my real life experiences. From time to time I have to go out and live so I can give you more. I am writing this from a couch at a cigar bar learning about men who dare to wear ankle bracelets! You know I will blog the details tomorrow. Until then have a great night!

My Plastic Prince Charming

As a little girl with a BIG imagination I would spend hours playing with my Barbie dolls. We would play all sorts of games from hospital to school. The game that was played most often however, was the game we call life or back then "house". Barbie was always the perfect wife. Kids dressed, dinner on time and Ken always took her to the ocean on the weekends, just the two of them. As you can see I spent a lot of my time watching Knots Landing with my grandmother and then turning those episodes into Barbie's life moments ;-). Somewhere along the line Ken gave me the perfection complex. I grew into a young woman who somehow thought that Ken existed in real life and that my perfect family was but a Barbie isle away. I can hear young Candice saying, "I want to date and marry the right kind of person".....ugh! What does that even mean....the right kind of person? Hell, I am pretty sure I am not the right kind of person. I wanted him educated, handsome, smart, well versed in a number of subjects with a little spending cash on the side. He also needed to fit into a list that I recently published on Facebook of 75 things I needed in a man. 

I was delusional. Full of childhood dreams of perfection. The thing about only considering perfect people is that you miss the people with real life experience. The people who know what to do when imperfection creeps up to your doorstep, as it will do. I remember being in college and dating a young man who was anything, but perfect and I adored him. For all of the other people I dated up to that point I had to be this hologram of myself to get what I thought was their perfection. He changed that for me. He hated that part of me. He wanted the real me, not the everything is fine... life is peachy act I was putting on all the time. Behind closed doors I could tell him anything. There was no judgment and there was no holds bar advice. Dating him taught me that it is much more important to have someone who can love you at your ugliest than at your prettiest. Who can see the worst in you all while admiring the best in you. That kind of love is hard to find. 

So as I walk the road of life wondering where my life mate is, I am certain of one thing, where ever he is I love him for both his and good and bad. I will listen as often as possible without judgement and I will give him that feeling of being loved at his worst, because isn't that what truly puts us back at our best. 

Ken will go back in his box in the closest and from time to time I will pull him out and remind myself that there is no perfection even in my perfect Ken doll. 

VLOG: Weekly Update 7.18.10-Shooting, Noodling and Touching

Great Clips: You Dead Wrong

Hey Good People!

So today is my rest day, I try not to use my brain too much on Saturday. I would hate to get a brain strain. I ran errands most of the day and on my final stop I came across the the scene you see pictured above.


This is a person in a chicken costume with a sign for $7 hair cuts at Great Clips. It is damn near 90 degrees and the sun is OUT so why in the world would a company send someone out to do this? Beyond the health implications do people dressed in chicken costumes holding signs actually increase sales? I mean have you ever said: "Oh look at that human chicken reminding me to go get a hair cut....at Great Clips....let's go in!" You probably haven't, so I think the company would be better served to try a marketing campaign that doesn't involve possible heat stroke. DUMB!


That is all for today have a good Saturday night and remember....if a man says he will give you job and all you have to do is show up you might end up in a chicken suit.

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Pink Floyd
Song: Money




Peace and Love Candegirl

The Wino, The Tea Party and The NAACP

I grew up in what I guess you can call "the hood". It didn't feel that way when I was there, but looking back I guess I can see the signs. Growing up in any community you begin to recognize trends at a fairly young age and at the same time most of those are easily swept aside because they become normal, even though to the outside world they would be anything but normal. For me it was arguments between winos/and or crackheads. If you have never had the pleasure to witness one of these ring side events do yourself a favor and find one. You won't be in any real harm and that is one of the best parts. Winos/crackheads are much too weak or drugged for physical altercation so basically they just yell. They yell things that make little to no sense for the most part things that perhaps only other winos/crackheads can understand. My favorite is when they yell things that are actually true for both parties. "MAN YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT AN EVERYDAY DRUNK", as a spectator you want to yell out "um...yeah you both are", but you keep your cool hoping to get another laugh out the of the unfortunate humor that is human frailty.

This all came back to me in a flash from my childhood while watching the coverage of the "debate" between The Tea Party and the NAACP. If you haven't heard both groups are accusing the other of being racist. Go ahead laugh, I know you want to. The tragic part of this "debate" is that neither side no matter how right is equipped to prove its' point. Let's look at them as separate pieces.

The Tea Party
How can a group defend its' self from accusations when they have no clear plan of action in general and no leadership. I mean really...it's like whoever is available from where ever and thinks they are members of The Tea Party can just hop on TV, be interviewed by your local print newspaper or air their grievances on any given NPR station. There is no direction. Everyone thinks The Tea Party is what they want it to be and depending on who your leader is on that day of the week you are either the New Powermovement KKK or citizens fighting for more freedom from government. Who knows which is the truth, but who is signing up for something that they don't truly understand. Until The Tea Party is an organized front with leadership and a TRUE agenda...you can keep the finger pointing turned towards yourself.

The NAACP
Where does one even start? Let me start at the most unoffensive portion. I respect what the NAACP was. I understand the role they have played in our society. I understand the concept of what they could be even now and I too respect that. However, what the NAACP is not, in my opinion, is the voice of todays Colored Person. The NAACP has wasted years upon years fighting battles that don't matter and ignoring ones that clearly do. Take for instance the dog and pony show put on when they decided to bury the word "Nigger". Notice how I just used it, so clearly it has risen. Beyond that, where did they  come to do this act? Detroit. A city with one of the highest rates of unemployment, crime, illiteracy, HIV/AIDS and generational poverty within the Colored Person community and they came to that city and held a funeral... for a word.
Needless to say I was less than impressed with their commitment to "us". While we are on the subject of "us" I heard DL Hugley say something pretty funny and also true. Can an organization speak for an entire group of people when the spectrum goes from President Barack Obama to Flavor Flave? The bottom line is that this isn't our grandparents society. The needs, issues and necessary reaction time have changed dramatically and if indeed there needs to be an organization that speaks for "us" I want one who has looked beyond its' history and is defining a clear cut path to the future that elevates that group of people they represent and all of those that come in contact with them.

The Wino/Crackhead Burden 
Just like those neighborhood arguments of yesteryear that made no sense and couldn't be backed up with any real proof both organizations have done a terrible job of providing evidence for there claims. I have seen evidence on my own that supports the NAACP but they can go a step further than I can by presenting the findings to the national public who will then see "the proof is in the Wild Irish Rose bottle". I noticed they have a section on their website with some helpful information on the The Tea Party and connections to racism. Well we all know those that need this information aren't logging on there. It is the NAACP's job to get it in the hands of those who need it. Again I ask has ANYONE heard of Twitter?

To both parties I say: lay of the bottle.

Peace and Love Candegirl

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Curtis Mayfield
Song: Move On Up

VLOG: Bad Hair Week

The Art of Happy Hour

For those who know me well, you know I am typically found out and about. I like to be out of the house and doing "stuff". While I have a large list of hobbies, interest and places I like to frequent, there is really nothing that compares to HAPPY HOUR! Before I start I understand I sound like a lush and perhaps I have some lushey tendencies, but Happy Hour is about so much more than the drinks and I have created a top five list of reasons why Happy Hour ROCKS!


5. Drink/Food Specials 
There are very seldom any other times of the day, in the places I will go, that drinks are served at a discounted rate. I am a BIG fan of a place here in Detroit, Centaur, and from 4p-7p EVERYday there martinis are only $5! In every city all over America there are places with great drink and food discounts just waiting for you to walk in. Now since we are talking the ART of Happy Hour....please do not go to a chain restaurant if your want the real experience. Discover locally owned places that you can turn into your official hotspot!


4. Drinkworking 
Have I told you how much I HATE the word and the art of networking. It makes me roll my eyes to see an invite to a "networking" event. Why? Well everyday you should be doing something that places you in the eyes of those who you feel need to see you. You don't need a special name or event to do it. Happy Hour is a great time to "network" or as I call it "Drinkwork" you sit down order yourself a drink and spark up a conversation with the stranger next to you who ends up being someone who has information you need, want or just enjoy. Happy Hour is what a fun elective is in college. You might not need it, but you sure do enjoy it and it could just change your life without you even knowing. 


3. Dating
While clearly I am not married,and at the moment I am single, Happy Hour can be a place to maybe....perhaps....meet the person of your dreams. Ok, maybe you should meet them in a less alcohol induced state of bliss, but hell I know there are people who met this way and dammit I am keeping this as number three. 


2. Conversation 
Perhaps only my Happy Hour crew has this happen, but I have been involved in some of the most intriguing conversations while sipping a discounted Happy Hour drink. From government to religion. Sex to technology and every place you can go in between. These have been some of the moments I learned and shared the most of my personal knowledge. So find yourself a Happy Hour crew and get to talking. 


1. Stress Relief
It's not just the alcohol (although it helps), but the combination of the above four items that I mentioned that makes Happy Hour just the thing to mend a stressful work day. You go in to your favorite place, they ask about your day, you vent for free, they pour a drink, a friend walks in, you talk, they pour another drink, stranger shares fun fact, they buy you a drink and so on and so forth. 


Happy Hour is where it's at. So for my Detroit peeps Metro Times just created a Happy Hour iPhone app that shares Happy Hour specials from all across the Metro Detroit area. Also, download Foursquare and become friends with your more social after work crowd see where they are headed and show up, hell they downloaded Foursquare they clearly don't mind being stalked.

By all means: Stay Thirsty My Friends!

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Frank Sinatra 
Song: Come Fly With Me

The Mass Marketing of Tragedy

I need to address an issue that has been swirling in my mind for years. When did we decide it was cool to market tragedy and by that I mean, why in the good graces of heaven and earth does one need a funeral shirt or a FB memorial page with all those horrific Print Shop homages to "My Big Homey".  I mean really do we need to air our grief in such a tragically distasteful form? What makes this matter worst for me is that typically the person covering the front of this long white t-shirt is someone young. Who left this life in some horrific scene. So to honor that we plaster their face on a shirt with money, cars and don't forget the airbrushed angel wings. I mean really? Is this what life is about? You live, you ball, you die, you end up on a t-shirt....THE END.

I understand grief very well. TRUST me. I get that you want to place this person close to your heart, but wearing a dead person on a shirt that says "My Nigga 4 Life" will not in fact bring that person back or in anyway add solace to your grief. Instead of t-shirts and all the other non-sense, especially in the cases of those murdered, let's spend that money on violence prevention so that "Lil Pookie's" brothers, cousins or neighbors can perhaps stand the chance of not having their most famous moment be the time their precious faces adorned shirts outside of your neighborhood funeral home, church or liquor store.

For me it's the mass marketing of tragedy. The moment something goes retail, the first time you see the words "discount for RIP shirts" you are looking at a business, that needs customers. Let's close out the customer base for this money maker. Instead let's spend our time making sure that the faces of our children don't grace shirts at funerals, but reach the halls of education. Let's work to not make a tragic life or situation "cool", or worst, nothing more than a fashion statement. Use what life has given you in first hand knowledge to reach someone who might seek the some undesirable path. Let's shine light into our inner cities and not the gloom and despair I feel every time I pass another funeral home with tons of young black men all wearing a uniform that reeks of the mass marketing of tragedy.

Musical Inspiration
Artist: Mos Def
Song: Umi Say
Album: Black on Both Sides

Blogging from bed

I just got a new program for my iTouch and I am blogging from my pillow! I hope this works and that I soon fall asleep so I can blog another day.

Sarah and the Half Wig

So today I was at Target returning a months worth of unwanted items. From hair products that my hair hated to jewelry that broke before I even left the house. So in my mind I was going straight in to return my items and headed back to my car to return home....NO NEW PURCHASES. Well going into Target automatically sends my mind a list of things I need...not want...NEED. So after returning $70 worth of bad purchases I proceeded to make some new and wiser purchases. I got my items, all stuff for my hair as I am in my transition phase a product junkie. I go to the check out and a pleasant early 20's black woman greets me at the lane and this people is where the story begins (the rest was just me using you as my personal therapist ;-). 


While ringing up my items the young woman spots someone she knows and calls out to them. "Hey Sarah" she says with excitement in her voice. She calls again and I turn around to find an early 20 something white woman with a small dog in an oversized pink bag. Picture Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. She was cute, stylish and clearly not working at Target. 
They proceed to catch up and finally Sarah says to the cashier: "Your hair is SUPER cute". 

• Cashier: Thanks! 
• Sarah: But.......when I saw you last week it was so much shorter...
• My Thoughts: Uh-oh black girl has to explain weave to white friend, this should be fun. 
• Cashier: Oh....yeah...well this is my wig
• Sarah: OH! Cool it's so cute, but you know I can see your natural hair 
• My Thoughts: Candice don't laugh out loud....Sarah me too and I was thinking just like you this wig is a mess
• Cashier: Oh yeah your suppose to...it's called a half wig
• My Thoughts: Ummmm yeah but I am sure the hair is suppose to blend...Sarah has a point
• Sarah: Oh ok...well it's STILL super cute
• My Thoughts: That "still" was a well deserved dig at that horrific half wig....well played Sarah
• Sarah: Ok gotta go....headed to tan by Beth's pool....
• My Thoughts: I gotta go too I don't want to be grouped with this half wig nightmare

Musical Inspiration

Song: Let Me Fix My Weave 

Album: This is Not a Test

No Fairy Tale

Hey! Today I am posting a VLOG. I am pretty excited about the first week of the blog. I hope you are enjoying the post and that when you are moved to do so that you are sharing the articles with your network. I am trying to give you as much of the real me as possible and today's video is proof positive that I want you to see ME.

The Drunk Charlie Horse

I know, I know, I know. "I am going to post everyday so I am sure to do it". These are the words I said just  this past Monday and what did you find on the blog yesterday? NOTHING! I could blame my 12 hour work day or the fact that I posted an extra video on Thursday that was important, and I really wanted you all to absorb the material, but the fact is I had a long week and decided to come home, change cloths and PARTY!!!! So I met up with a cool bunch of Detroit's finest urban socialites and headed to a wonderful Cuban restaurant in downtown Detroit to have some sangria, food and many laughs.

The night ended with a caravan over to another hot spot for some dancing! Well in between spots I had a few more cocktails and let's just say a good time was had. The thing about a few more drinks is that it can have some horrible finishing results after the fun is over. There is the possible hangover, the sickness and the lack of memory when pictures are posted o FB of your night out. In the middle of the night I experienced "the too much fun demon" or in everyday terms the DRUNK CHARLIE HORSE.

I hate the Drunk Charlie Horse (sounds like a bar in Dallas). Here you are just trying to sleep your way back to sober and his PUNK butt comes around when you did nothing but an innocent mid sleep leg stretch and wakes you up drunk, in pain and rubbing like you've never rubbed before. This is just rude. Getting drunk is an art form and the Drunk Charlie Horse is like the art critic from HELL.

Bottom line is every time I endure the Drunk Charlie Horse I tell myself....no more "party nights" for me and then a few weeks later....I am back with that party crasher: Drunk Charlie Horse....repeating the same old lie.

Peace

You know after I said the word party a song popped in my head. It's a great weekend song so ENJOY!

HATE ON ME HATER

TODAY'S POST IS A VLOG OR A VIDEO BLOG. IT IS ABOUT THE RECENT HATE LETTERS SENT TO EASTPOINTE FAMILIES. WATCH THE FOX 2 NEWS VIDEO FIRST THEN MY VIDEO. PEACE

The Confessional: The Exterminator and The Raid

So on a regular basis my friends, family or co-workers tell me a story that I simply think needs to be shared with the masses. So we will have a new stream of articles on Confessions of a Candegirl called: The Confessional. For our first entry we have a funny story from a friend. 
I will try to give you the story as close to it's original form as I think it adds to the emotion of the story. This was from a conversation I had today over g-chat. If you don't gchat you AREN'T living.

Taken from a conversation in progress.....

ME: LOL! I did and I didn't notice until yesterday I think....I really have to spend more time outside or stop coming home so damn late.



How are your ants in your office?


FRIEND: Girl this shit is a mess


they were EVERYWHERE when I came in this morning


then they were like the exterminator is on his way...


this ND comes up here with a damn bottle of RAID


Really?


WTH!


ME: LMAO!!!!


I just told Nick and Jenna and they are DYING!


FRIEND: I can't. I just can't.


ME: I think I am going to start a new section of the blog called story of the day and this will be todays!


FRIEND: LMAO!


So he sprays and was like let's let that settle and I will be back for a follow up


a follow up?


Negro! It's a can of Raid?
 
WTH are you talking about?



ME: This is too much!!!


A follow up


FRIEND: Girl yes!


FRIEND: So he came and sprayed again and then was like if you want....I can leave "the product" for you to use as needed


Product?


ME: Ok I am DONE!


FRIEND: I WANT TO GO HOME!


ME: You should!





FRIEND: So there are still a few stragglers so I have just been spraying them with "the product" when I see them

Moral: Corporate America has found some interesting cost cutting measures, to say the least. Also, it's a good day to be an ant in that office. ;-)

Peace!

Poor Folk AC or Urban Diva On A Dime

Ok I had to share this with you guys. While I am partly ashamed....it works and I haven't died of heat stroke in this house of fire! :-)




Poor folk AC instructions:

1. Fill spray water bottle with cool tap 
2. Mist water towards nearest fan 
3. Bask in the two seconds of cool air
4. Repeat until cool or you pass out from heat exhaustion 

My life is NO fairy tale...but it isn't a horror story either. LOL

Loving the Bad Boy....

You know that feeling you got the first time you loved someone that your parents would, had they met them, or did LOATHE? The thought that maybe only you could understand how special this person truly was made you love them even more...you just didn't understand why your parents couldn't see the magic. 

I haven't had to deal with those sorts of feelings in a very long time, I am older and tend to be the parent in my own head sending myself warnings against loving "certain kinds of people". However, I often feel that very same twist of emotion when it comes to loving my city...Detroit. 

Detroit is the lover your parents warned you about. It's rugged and not quite as kept as some of its' counterparts. It keeps you up late and from time to time it will place you in harms way. Yet you love it more, all while thinking you should move on, grow up, find a more mature relationship. There are nicer, cleaner, better educated and more affluent cities you could date....but even when you leave....you find yourself called back to this unique part of heaven that only few can enter and leave as angels.

Just like dating the person your parents don't like...staying and believing in Detroit can get you some of the same concerned and annoyed looks and reactions. Some people just don't "get it" and they say "oh she'll grow out of it, it's just a phase". 

I hope to be the the girl who stays with the bad boy, Detroit, and through her own example and love helps remove his hard and bruised persona. I recognize how I sound "Jody my Jody" or I guess in my case "Motown my Motown"....my city is just going through a rough patch. It didn't have the best parents, or attend the best schools and it never liked the "right crowd". It took in our grandparents from the south still broken from years of Jim Crow...and those who immigrated from the East still carrying the weight of war and gave them a place to work, learn and grow. So yes he has seen the worst even in the best, and somehow still gave the masses infrastructure, rhythm, history and so much more yet he stands in the shadows of his big brothers like Chicago. No one believes in him like they believe in them. It's like being Isaiah when Jordan was around. Yeah you're good....but he is GREAT!

Detroit has tried to get it together, many times, and it seems the closer he gets he becomes self destructive, as if he doesn't believe he is good enough for real success, real blessings. I try to tell him how great he is but he can't hear me over the negative sounds of outside reporters, journalist, sociologist, psychologist, his own family and anyone else with a pen and need to stomp on a persons dream screaming "Shut It Down". 

I love him through it all. 

Loving a broken person can either make you stronger or leave you broken. Loving a broken city is much the same and just like when you love a person through pain, anger and neglect you must find ways to remain positive seeking out the good that is under the surface. It's there with Detroit and you don't have to look that hard to find it because at the core....there is light.

So if my "parents" ask where I am tonight can you tell them...I'm at your house? If they see me out with Detroit....they just won't understand why I love him so. 

Peace

OOOOO Girl What Happened To Your Hair....

 Transition Time BABY!!! 

I am growing out the hair relaxer...this is nothing knew in my life or the lives of many of the people you know. If you asked the typical college educated, urban, African American how many people they know who are transitioning, natural or talking about it...I bet you most could name one person if not more. I am privileged to live in a time when there are so many  great women who for many different reasons have chosen to leave the relaxer in the store. That is in NO way meant to be slam at women who are relaxed, but this journey towards natural hair is plagued with ignorance, misguided judgements and lack of support in the greater African American community. Below are MY top four reasons for going NATURAL:


1. Health- I am trying to be more mindful of my health in every way. My hair was never something I ever considered to be apart of a healthy living regimen and then I started reading what relaxer does not only to your hair, but in some of my readings your body. You have to imagine  that if you have open pores on your scalp some relaxer is bound to make its' way in and who wants to fry their scull....NOT ME!


2. Growth- I know in my life I can grow the head of hair I have always wanted and I tried to do that for 20 years with a relaxer....now I am going to give God a try LOL ;-). 


3.  Versatility- African Americans have some of the most versatile hair on the planet and I want to test it out....


4. Cause I Can- I am young, I am free and I can bend and stretch my person in anyway I see fit!


So that's it in a very small nutshell. Below you can check out a little video I did for my YouTube page....which explains my hair journey in picture form for those who hate reading ;-)......


P.S.- I did LOTS of research before deciding this was the best road for ME. I will be sure to share successes, great links and products but that is NOT the primary purpose of this blog. 

"Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives."

William Throsby Bridges