There are many things people can say about my character that won't exactly be compliments. I know what many of those things would be and no, I am not about to write a list of them for you! There are things that are simply true about a persons character and almost everyone who knows them could point it out. These come in the good and bad variety.
One of my good traits is my loyalty. If I have your back I have it...good, bad or indifferent. Most of this comes from wanting to assist people where ever I can and the other portion comes from the soul depleting quality that is being a people pleaser. I spent many years not being able to say, "NO" and when I did I ended up so hurt that it just became easier to always say yes. Wether it left me out of time, money or personal satisfaction there I was ready to make someone else's life easier.
There are times when you simply need to work on your own life. You can't get involved in other peoples dreams, conquest or problems. You need to deal with your life...YOUR LIFE. This has never been more true for me than right now. For a number of personal reasons I had to take a step back and shed some people and commitments. At almost 30 I am just learning to love me first and to place my personal goals ahead of being liked, being popular or being loved. This lesson has made me grow away from some people and closer to others. I find myself especially drawn to people who learned years ago the lesson I am just adding to my arsenal. People who I probably saw as selfish at some point are now the people silently teaching me to live my dreams.
There came a day when I could tell you what other people dreamed of doing with their lives, the goals they had and how they wanted me to be apart of making that happen and I knew if I asked them what even one of my real dreams was or is....I would get the blank stare or some answer they thought could possibly be correct. I had to move on. I had to learn to work harder for me...
The blog plays a very important role in this mission. I am committed to this. Even when I am not posting I am thinking about what's next, how do I grow this piece of my dream and where can I go for support. It requires much of my free time...which means these are hours where I have to say: I come first.
This is not an ode to selfishness in anyway. I encourage people to reach out and to sacrifice for others when need be, but not at the price where you no longer know your own self worth.
For those afraid of becoming the person who has to say, "No" remember this: The people who love you want you to grow. They want you to soar. When they see good things coming from you and happening to you they rejoice. If you are receiving anything less than that then consider it the perfect set-up to exfoliate a layer of people you didn't need.
I am dreaming for me. I am working for me. I hope you are doing the same.
Peace and Love Candegirl
Musical Inspiration
Artist: Jill Scott
Song: One Is the Magic Number
Ahhhhh....just breathe...perfect my dear...Learning to Love Yourself is the greatest love of all...okay enough with the song quotes. I've been learning about me for quite awhile and its a most fascinating journey. What I will say is that its not selfish...for you to give the things to the world that you want to give you have got to be healthy and whole. Its never about pleasing people as must as it should be about pleasing yourself...Doing for others should be an honest to goodness conviction that makes you feel good...and if it does great...but learning to truly appreciate your gifts, talent, and the knowledge you possess is amazing. Quite honestly I think you are simply one of the most beautiful people inside and out...and while we all have our flaws, I admire so much about you that you'd be "IF" to me if you were a diamond:)...but you're much rarer...you're spirit speaks for itself....
ReplyDeleteCandice, I couldn't agree more. This is a very important lesson that I learned this year and I can tell you that it has made all the difference in my life. Closing doors to some people and opportunities will open you up for the right people and the right opportunities to chase you down! You know you're in a different season not just by who is in your life, but also by who is absent from your life.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing your thing, girl...the best is yet to come!
Kelly S.
i've had to learn this same lesson over the last two years, and primarily over the last seven months. i had to realize that i can't help everyone, that the world will not stop turning if i don't, that depleting myself means that i can't give to others, and that grown folx are responsible for themselves- worrying about someone else doesn't change that fact for me. i'm having fun exploring me, and what i like, and i who i want to be, regardless of who everyone else thinks i should be. =)
ReplyDeleteAhhh. Do it! You are beginning to live your best life now. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am a people "pleaser" too Candice. For me its worst though because I have a family full of people who have not done anything with their lives; actually...they have done nothing but foolishness and they are always in a bind as a result. The people I deal with have no hopes and dreams to speak of....and they feel I am somehow rich because of my education and job. I literally had a baby and none of them came to the hospital or even called or even facebooked me to say congratulations / get info. But, I am at every birth, every baby shower, every birthday party, etc. Sigh
ReplyDelete